Message Board - Cricket: An Ode to cricket groundsman
16 Dec 2009 by barry glynn
A groundsmans lot is not a happy one
We work and toil to get the job done
But is our effort rewarded with feelings unhurt?
No,'cos everyone else is a blo*dy expert!
"Why arent our wickets nice and white?" we hear then say
"Cos grass tends to be green, its funny that way"
Batsman want bounce and pace but not too much
And bowlers want seam,spin,bounce, pace and balls that leap into the crutch
Theres the weather, the deciding factor
We have web links to every weather site and its Mother
We need some rain but only when we want it
And not on a Weekend, never even just a bit
Canadian geese, pidgeons and dog owners who of their pests are far too proud
To shoot all of these ba*tards should be certainly be allowed
We suffer pitch marking made by people in white coats who have never played the game
And batters given out lbw who cant look in the mirror to find who was really to blame
In saying all this , when the sun is shines abound
and we can reflect on a day when ours looks like the best grounrd around
We can say to ourselves with hand on our heart
Its not a bad old life for someone like me who is a grumpy old f*rt
What do I do? I just cut the grass.
16 Dec 2009 by Ceebs52
How true Barry
16 Dec 2009 by Barry Pace
'Day job' and 'dont leave' spring to mind Barry ROFL......
Plastic.... it's The End I tell you... THE END!!!!
16 Dec 2009 by Andy Matthews
Good effort barry you can tell the weathers crap, heres my effort from a few weeks ago (mid october), I know you saw it but it was buried in another thread, so come on the rest of you lets see your best rhyming efforts.
So the seasons over and the renovations have been done
It rained all the time we were playing
Then when we needed it we had too much sun
The sqaure looked like nothing had been done
We spent hours moving sprinklers and hoses
To try and combat the problems the erratic weather poses
The committee kept and looking and saying "it's not right"
I had to admit it looked a bag 'o' s***e
Then the rains came to our nation
And low and behold loads of germination
It just goes to show that with tap water you can try and try
But as the old heads will tell you the best stuff comes outa the sky
So now the seed is up and growing
lots of warm weather menas we are all back to regular mowing
Then just when you think you've everything in equilibrium
You have a look round and find it's covered in Fusarium!!!
So it's into the shed and out with the chemicals
With a dose of Chipco green you can work miracles
The committe look and say it looks well with one voice
They won't be so happy when they get the invoice
It's a rollercoaster ride this job of ours
Lots of bloody hard work and long hours
It's hard to justify why we take all the s**t
The only explanation I can give is that we just love doing it.
16 Dec 2009 by Chris Thornton Last edited 16 Dec 2009
Iambic pentametre is what you two lack!
So go back to school and get back on track.
'Till you're versed in good verse and more skilled with the pen
please stay at your desks and then try "aggen" !!!
Chris
"He not busy being born is busy dying"
16 Dec 2009 by barry glynn
"Aggen""pentametre"? Before you take the mick
Try looking up the correct spelling so you dont end up looking like a P*ick!
(yes I know aggen was a desperate attempt at rhyme but the other one wasnt. What is a pentametre? Is it some form of measurement?On the other hand a pentameter is something to do with poetry) 
What do I do? I just cut the grass.
16 Dec 2009 by Andy Matthews
It's poetry Chris but not as we know it
It's written by groundsmen no wonder it's s**t
Apparently it lacks Iambic Pentameter
At least it's written with lots of good humour
The weathers crap and we have time on our hands
So we put in verse how we work on the land
You spent your time saying it was not worthy
I for one had to look the words up in a dictionary
Barry wrote his poem full of Xmas spirit
To take his mind off his outfield thats covered in s**t
Theres Geese and Dogs to do battle with
Then someone criticises his poetic prattle
We all have to fill the winter somehow
The oil changes and greasing have been done by now
Xmas is coming with rushing and stress
So it's back to reality by tuning in to TMS
16 Dec 2009 by mwood
You cricket guys are lucky
Your work is all done
You are dreaming of summer
The warmth and the sun
Now spare a thought for us footballing guy's
One eye on our pitches
The other to the skys
The rains never stopped
Come light or come dark
To work on my pitch Ill be needing an ark
Day after day the rain has come down
And turned our green pitches all muddy and brown
When the weekend arrive's
And the teams want play
I'm sorry, too wet is all I can say
We're behind with our fixtures the game must go on
Ninety minutes later and it looks like the Somme
The players depart for a beer and some tea
And the mess they created is all left for me.
16 Dec 2009 by Chris Thornton
Hey up I'm from up norf Bazz .
Also i had a very strong 'orlicks . No wonder i made a borlicks!!
"Our Peg" 'as a diplomer in eleocution and as done poetry and made me change it from ...meter to ..metre. So Blame 'er
I might spend a few hour behind the spiker on Friday so will come up with some reet good poetry
Chris
"He not busy being born is busy dying"
16 Dec 2009 by barry glynn
Mwood
"Your work is all done"? takes a footie man to make such a remark
Ive only the leaves to clear from over a hectare
Which in footie mans laymans terms is like a small park
In any case, footballers dont need grass
its wasted on them as they spend most of their time on their ar*e
Mud is just fine for them as they hack their way around
90 minutes is all they can manage as anymore and their brains go into meltdown
What do I do? I just cut the grass.
16 Dec 2009 by barry glynn
Chris
Tell your Peg to ask for her money back, those internet diplomas are not all that
What do I do? I just cut the grass.
16 Dec 2009 by mwood
Depends how many pitches we have Barry. Right about those footballers mind!
17 Dec 2009 by Chris Thornton
Can't do that Barry. She like me (and you!) is in her 60s and got the Diploma 40 years ago when they actually meant something!!
"He not busy being born is busy dying"
17 Dec 2009 by Steve63
City & Guilds, or an NVQ
Maybe a Diploma, or something new
The best have Diploma's, or even a Master's
Qualifications, that's what there after
But then there are others, without such papers
Volunteers, journeymen, the real workers
A lifetime of servitude, offered with pleasure
A thousand memories of which they treasure
Rising early, enjoying the day
Doing their work, the proper way
Good honest graft, for a pittance of pay
I'd never change it that's what they say
And do they appreciate it, those sporting hero's
The men and the women with value's of zero
I guess it's unlikely, in fact I am certain
For my job has just gone, to a man from West Burton
Don't talk to me about Contractors Wonka, I am one myself......
17 Dec 2009 by barry glynn
Chris
I ll have you know, I am only 59 and a half.
I left school at 15 but have aquired my fantastic way with words through pure natural ability. I only left at 15 because they couldnt teach me anymore. At least thats what I think the Headmaster meant when he said I might as well leave because I had absorbed all I was capable of doing. ( anyway he was a d*ck because he didnt recognise my talents)
What do I do? I just cut the grass.
17 Dec 2009 by Grassman2011
Steve,
Is there a real sting in the tail of the last line ? or is put in just to make it sound good and ryme ?
If it is the sting, commiserations and i wish you the best, if it is for the ryme, very clever and well done.
18 Dec 2009 by Head Tea Boy
The wife has just asked me 'Where have you been?'
I said, 'I've been working, on the Bowling Green'.
She said 'You've a flusie, with long golden locks!'
I said 'Wishful thinking - it's that bloody fox!
It's been digging for worms, made a right flipping mess.'
'Oh have it your own way', she said, 'I couldn't care less.'
18 Dec 2009 by Steve63 Last edited 18 Dec 2009
Hi Bath,
no, no sting, yet! just another bloody restructure so once again there are good number of people within our department who are uncertain about the future, above and below me. One of the perils of working for a Local Authority I suppose.
Regards
Steve
p.s. I am not even sure if there is a West Burton, apologies if there is.
Don't talk to me about Contractors Wonka, I am one myself......
18 Dec 2009 by Pitchcare Peter
http://www.wensleydale.org/villages/west-burton.html
Looks nice Steve 
21 Dec 2009 by Mal Last edited 21 Dec 2009
Cream crackers and wenslydale cheese Mmmmmm
Geography is everywhere
21 Dec 2009 by Steve63
Bought some Wenslydale with Cranberries on Saturday, MMmmmmmm
Don't talk to me about Contractors Wonka, I am one myself......
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