Message Board - Cricket: How clever is your average cricketer ?

17 Jul 2010 by Minormorris64

Tis' a question I ask, which may well get some answers today, last night was cutting (tidying) our outfield, if it hadn't been cut it would have looked okay, but some of us just can't resist playing with the toys
Anyway after having completed about 60% of the cut and then a familiar noise was heard.........a bloody stud getting wedged in the rear cutter, right in the corner of the cylinder , so after 30 minutes of abusive language and agricultural attempts to get the damn thing out I decided enough was enough.........anyway did the rest of the outfield without the cutters engaged and just rolled and striped it.
I haven't enlightened anyone about the problem, so should be a mildly amusing day for the groundsman to see if any of our knowledgable cricketers can tell the difference or even notice.

What goes around, comes around

17 Jul 2010 by Sunlover

I can assure you they won't notice.

World Heavyweight Champ

17 Jul 2010 by steven dipple

u should make something up,

maybe that area had all the rain so it grows quicker, or i cut it, but the kids from the local area came and grew it again, they will just go ok, very stupid people

17 Jul 2010 by Oli Parker

You'll probably get some **** come up to you and asked why you haven't finished it off.

17 Jul 2010 by Chris Thornton

I have spoken before about cricketers and their lack of understanding about the workings of the "Tooth Fairy" who does all the work on the ground.
I was going to relate a few gems but I can only use two fingers to type and I don't have hours to spare!!

Except one this week :- U 16s down to play Wednesday evening with threatening black clouds all around and lightning working it's way towards them from my end of town. "We need to play as the other team might win the league if they win"" so they started.
I rang and said the thunder and heavy rain would be with them in 5 Min's. "When you come off please make sure you cover No 13 which is for the first team on Sunday""
They duly started and of course came off but were reluctant to put the covers over in an electrical storm! (understandable yes)
So the Sunday pitch was soaked and eventually I get a call to say the covers were put over so it would escape the rest of the night's deluge.
Went in to have a look on Thursday am and of course they had covered the WRONG pitch "Priceless for everything else there's MasterCard" or should that be 'bates.
Chris

"He not busy being born is busy dying"

17 Jul 2010 by Paul Jackson

Our lot can't tell the difference between band aid, and bandage !!

17 Jul 2010 by RAM 1

Chris, obviously our suggestions (re- previous posts) about numbering the tracks to help dim wits and make it idiot proof, clearly failed. I do sympathise . Perhaps big flashing neon signs are the next step.
Keep trucking, soon be christmas

18 Jul 2010 by tonybolton

I find that, a bit of tact and diplomacy is the best way to treat your average player, manager, junior coach etc. Quote from last season TB 'It's too wet to cut a wicket for the U13's', U13's team manager/coach 'Well I don't think so I've played cricket in wetter conditions than this, give me the mower I'll cut it myself'. TB 'Try this one ( handing the cocky little fart a very old and much used Flymo) that should do the job, your very welcome.' Half an hour later and with much puffing and panting and pulling of the recoil starter, U13's coach 'Does it need petrol?' TB 'It helps try a bit of this (handing him a green can) '. A few more pulls and the orange beast springs into action, U13's coach, 'That's better which one should I cut?. TB 'I always go for the driest one, but in this rain it's always hard to decide, have you thought about moving the game to the car park, it's not quite as muddy there.' U13's cock 'You're being deliberately obstructive, why are you phoning an ambulance?' TB 'I'm hoping the paramedics will be able to revive your wicket keeper who's just been struck by lightening.' He'll be Ok he took a catch last season and was in far worse shock than that, are you sure this is the right mower, it doesn't seem to be doing much.' TB 'Perhaps it's a little too wet to cut a wicket.' U13's dickhead 'It wasn't when I started you've just been wasting time, I'll have to rearrange the game now, it's all your fault'. TB 'Make sure you pick a dry day for the rearranged game, it makes things so much easier, have you got your dry day calendar to hand, and I'm so sorry for wasting your precious time, please accept my sincere apologies, I'm only a humble groundsman and you are such a highly qualified and revered coach, I'm so sorry, now F off.

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother

18 Jul 2010 by barry glynn

Footballers are much much thicker though. But like a lot of people they are ignorant about other jobs, groundsmanship being top of their list.

What do I do? I just cut the grass.

18 Jul 2010 by barry glynn

I meant cricketers are ignorant about groundsmanship, not footballers of course who are just ignorant

What do I do? I just cut the grass.

18 Jul 2010 by Mike

Well, I can only compliment the 2 teams that we host - both are spot on - they help out a great deal, follow my instructions to the letter, are very understanding when I have to cancel games, and are generally a fantastic bunch of people - we number the wickets and I email each captain the day before the match is due to take place - only one error this season and that was a typo on my part, but a quick phonecall sorted it out with no problems.

If only I could get some of my teaching colleagues to understand that a track can't be prepared at one days notice, and a track can't be kept available for play 24/7 for the whole duration of the season...

Mike

18 Jul 2010 by Vic Demain

Mike,

Great to hear that not all cricketers are viewed with ridicule.

Interested in your final paragraph, as that is exactly what we do for our junior teams. The U.10/U.11 & U.13's have their own pitch, which lasts the season. We have no problem with this arrangement, just leave the grass on, cut and roll when necessary, roll out occasionally, put a few lines on and hey presto. U.15 & U.17 play on the adult pitch in use at the time.

Vic.

18 Jul 2010 by Mike Last edited 18 Jul 2010

Hi Vic,

I can only go by my experiences with the teams that I deal with, and I genuinely can't speak highly enough of them. Having read some of the comments on this thread, and others in the past makes me realise that in certain areas, I am very lucky. I do believe that it is a 2 way thing, and both clubs know that I do everything I can to make their cricket an enjoyable experience, and they really appreciate that fact - I routinely get emails or text messages from the players asking me if there is anything I need them to do. The captains also take the time to email or text me following each game to give me feedback on the game and how the track played - I believe it's little things like this that make the difference and help to form a strong relationship - the latter, I believe is critical to gaining the players respect and support.

Re pitches and duration of availability - we do a similar thing for 13's and under - though we aim to rotate between 3 tracks on a fortnightly cycle. Historically, it has been very difficult at our site to keep a track available for any length of time - I think this is just down to the dynamics of the site. Kaloam squares, no feeding, no watering (although these points have now changed), strong winds and high levels of salinity all make for an extremely stressed sward - by rotating and letting the sward re-establish and bringing it back into play after the 'rest', I find we can manage that. I was more referring to senior games being dropped on us at a days notice. For example, at the start of the season, we had all of the bookings from the 2 clubs and no fixture list from the school. Despite me asking repeatedly for a fixture list, or at least an idea of when a match was forthcoming, I still got nothing usually until the day of the match, the day before if I was lucky. That meant that I could only prepare tracks for the scheduled fixtures for the clubs, and i'd also aim to have 1 'spare' track available at all times to cover any matches dropped on us at the last minute. What actually happened though is that the school would just come to me at 2pm for example and say "we're having 2 games today", but they wouldn't check what fixtures had already been booked - I think it was just sods law that when this type of thing occurred, I also had club matches booked for the same day - obviously we can't get 4 games going on 2 squares at the same time, so we ended up having to cancel a number of long standing bookings from the clubs to accommodate the school cricket. Clearly, the school cricket does take priority over the club sides, but I do find it a bit out of order when bookings that were made well in advance are cancelled at the last minute because of others lack of planning and notification.

18 Jul 2010 by barry glynn

I keep one 21 yard pitch for under 12 and under 13s. On other side of the square I have one 19 yarder for under 11s. They are basically outfield that Ive nicked over the past 3 years by scarifying the hell out of. I keep them to 10mm all year and roll them as flat as I caan, more than good enough. The under 15s and under 17s play on adult pitches that are near edge or I turn one of the practice pitches on the square into a strip for them. all works out ok.

What do I do? I just cut the grass.

19 Jul 2010 by jlawrence

my 15's & 17's play on whatever adult pitch was used on that ground at the weekend - middle of square or where ever.
13's & 11's have their own little tracks - edge of square or nexxt to artificial. Some comments from seniors make me laugh. Why are you bothering with grass tracks for juniors - you'd be better off spending your time on other things.. doh, 15's & 17's need ends repairing and lines painting and that's about it - total about 1 hour's work a week. I should said tossers the U13 & U11 tracks - would you like to play a league match on those 2. one is next to artificial, other is not really flat at edge of square, I consider both tracks unusable for senior league matches. would they rather the tracks were left unused ?
had some fun on Sat. very wet on 2nd ground. I was leaving at 12 for an away game so basically left up to the skipper whether he thought it would be dry enough to play. got back from my game early (bout 6.30) and they weren't playing so assumed they'd cancelled - nope, got bowled out for 82 and got 5 oppositon wickets. comments from skipper was perhaps it really was a bit wet to play. no complaints though. half hour with fork, hours' rolling and you can't really tell barns wallis was bowling.

Of course there's no bounce, bend your back and put some bloody effort in.

19 Jul 2010 by wicketdevil

The master in charge here when the rain had got under the covers and i said it was unplayable said no matter we must play guess what they lost the toss and then lost the match. At the end of the term he sent what he was writing in the year book he said on a badly prepared wet wicket we lost . If they had won the toss and the match nothing would have been said. Think i will write something about him next time. Ian

Can you just is the longest sentence in the world !!!!!!!

19 Jul 2010 by Minormorris64

My experiment didn't have chance to work, my brother in law unblocked the cylinder and then cut the rest of the ground before the game on Saturday morning.

What goes around, comes around

20 Jul 2010 by A J Last edited 20 Jul 2010

Had a experience a couple of years ago with our deputy headmaster who now runs the cricket. It had rained solid for about a week before our founders match, last game of the season. Having no covers, Enough was enough so i gritted my teeth, and told him i was struggling to prep pitch in time for the match?

After looking at me gone out!!, he put his hands on his hips and sarcastically said - This isn`t lords you know!!, it will be fine.... (My responce) - Well, This an`t eton pal, and NO it wont.....

They didn`t play that match!! And the following season i got brand new covers.......

Deputy head & myself have a very good understanding working relationship......

Grow in grace...........

20 Jul 2010 by wicketdevil

Well Done Blue Coat this man is also master in charge of rugby and with no real rain in 2 months the pitches are rock hard . When he comes back from his 8 weeks break he will expect me to have 7 perfect pitches ready to go however he may again be disappointed . I'm looking forward to his retirement in a year. I have one watering point in 60 acres so what am i complaining about. Ian

Can you just is the longest sentence in the world !!!!!!!

20 Jul 2010 by A J

We are in all, only as good as our tools most of the time. Then theres the weather, But most of all is putting them all together and you get the experience. And then comes head of sports, Another experience....

I have two new head of sports starting in september, - One in charge of the boys (male) and the other for the girls - england rugby intenational (female)

And will greet/show them with all the respect they deserve.

Maybe They - ( Cricketers, Football, rugby, sports staff) should read the threads on here and treat us ground gods with the same respect....

Andy.

Grow in grace...........

20 Jul 2010 by wicketdevil

True my man played one game for surrey and one for hampshire and calls himself an ex county cricketer. The new dep head here is an ex master in charge of cricket and he is trying to change everything however i think he forgets i have three people to look after five squares and 90 acres can't cover everything . You going to Saltex this year be good to meet up. Ian

Can you just is the longest sentence in the world !!!!!!!

20 Jul 2010 by A J

Yes ian,

Normally wonder down every year with my two other staff and would be nice to meet up with the other ground gods on here too? And will take my hat off to you as i have same amount of staff but with only a mere 20 acars compared to yours.

As You and many others on here know saltex is not a good time for most of us? And reading other Threads you have going on this. Maybe closer to the time we could all sort a suitable time to exchange our tales....

Andy

Grow in grace...........

20 Jul 2010 by Minormorris64

With regard to junior pitches I have three on the top of the square (u-11's/ 13's/ 15's) and also this week I have a Boys Under 10's County match (Shropshire v. Herefordshire), kept a pitch back for that which is next down from my under 15's pitch.
So this year so far, 4 junior tracks & 5 senior tracks (2 Saturday XI's & Sunday)
Its my first representative match on our ground

25 years of effort and getting rid of a reputation finally paying off.
I was awarded Shropshire v. Herefordshire u-15 girls game last year but it rained.....its not looking much better at the moment for Thursday

May not seem much to some of you boys with bigger fish to fry but I am proud as punch

, especially as I an lucky to have seen this season having been seriously ill in Novenber (had a reaction to some painkillers which resulted in symptoms like a burst ulcer, massive loss of blood , hg level of 3.8 entering hospital anything below 5 is usually on the way out time, 8 days in hospital, 9 blood transfusions etc etc)
It was looking nice on Saturday as well

What goes around, comes around

21 Jul 2010 by steven dipple

im not from the cricket world im from the golf world and also do a football pitch in my spare time, this happened only last week, i have seeded and feed the penalty areas and had a sprinkler on them pretty much constand, there were growing lovely, anyway i only have 1 hose point so the sprinkler was at the other area, so on there nite of training, they decide to take shots at the keeper in the other penalty area, how stupid can u be, what makes it worse is they have a training pitch and astro, but i gaurentee they will be the first to moan if the areas arent up to scratch

7 Aug 2010 by Chris Thornton

They've done it again.
Just a few weeks ago, as posted, I had problems getting players to cover the correct pitch. I thought the last one "took the biscuit" but this one this week is better!
Midweek team playing on an outside track 18 on Thurs evening with a bad forecast for later that night and Friday. No 7 was covered and was dry as a bone ready for today.
"Please make sure the covers go back over No 7 exactly as they are now" I asked.
" No problem!" Came the reply.
Heavy rain all day Friday and when I turned up this morning they had covered No 9 which had received only a prep cut and is for next Saturday.
Needless to say I lost it a bit and let people know how I felt but what's the point, "You can't educate pork!!"

Our lot lost the toss and were put in and were all out for 116!
The weather was warm and windy and the surface drying so it received a good ten min's with the hand roller and Lo.,all out 67 and 15 points in the bag!!
I suppose every cloud has a silver lining!!

"He not busy being born is busy dying"

8 Aug 2010 by mario

I trust that the "good ten minutes with the hand roller" wasn't between innings, Chris!

I know no boundaries.

8 Aug 2010 by Chris Thornton

ERRRRRRMMMMM?

"He not busy being born is busy dying"

10 Aug 2010 by petermarkcraig

It goes something like this.....

Batsman gets runs = great batsman (according to him)
Batsman scores poorly = poor pitch (according to him)
Bowler gets wicket = bowled well (of course)
Bowler gets tonked = bowler blames pitch (bleedin' shirt front) etc etc..........................you get the drift

Of course the grass looks good. The sun is shining.

18 Aug 2010 by Ceebs52

Having read all the threads on this subject and giggled knowingly, I have had an incident myself!!!
Picture the scene.............
1st team at home needing to win. Rain showers. A couple of ends have small puddles and the umpires refuse to go out until rain stops and any surface water cleared.
(I'm with 2nd team so couldn't advise or do the job)
Once showers have stopped the 1st team captain and some minnions get the waterhog and some forks from the garage. Good so far!!
Standing water cleared the umpire insist that the puddled ends are spiked/forked to help drainage.
A 1st team player (who I will thump when I see him next) then proceeds to use a fork and virtually dig up one whole end until he reaches drier soil. What a pillock!!!!
A guess what.........within 10 minutes it pee'd down to end all hope of play.
Am I racked off or what!!!

18 Aug 2010 by amateur

Chris you moan about players putting the covers on the wrong pitch.How about a groundsman who has worked for us for over 35 years,preping a pitch all week for the 1st team game on Saturday and on Friday putting the covers on a wicket he cut once and has 65% grass cover.He then told me the overseas player told him to cover the wrong wicket,which turned out to be a lie.Next day he owned up to the error.

19 Aug 2010 by trubs

If he has worked for you for 35 years, perhaps he would have appreciated a hand getting the covers on. Then the mistake wouldn't have arisen.

19 Aug 2010 by amateur

He pulls the covers on with the tractor which also has a cab to protect him from the rain.
Why would he make such a mistake,sheer boredom, or no interest in the ground anymore.Iam more interested in why,so we can remedy any problems.

19 Aug 2010 by Mike Last edited 19 Aug 2010

Its always too easy to point the finger at the one who you view to be making the mistakes, but there can be more to it than that - not saying there is in this case, but it helps to get to the bottom of why this is happening... only then can effective solutions be introduced.

If any of my boys make a series of mistakes, the first person that I look at is me - am I giving them clear directions, are they getting the necessary support, training etc, am I setting clear, defined lines as to what is expected, acceptable and unacceptable - do they need something that i'm not giving them to enable them to perform to their potential, or take enjoyment and pride in their work?

If everything is in place to enable them to perform effectively yet they still don't perform to the required standard, are there any personal issues they have outside of work - illness in the family, stress, relationship issues etc that could lead to them failing to engage in their work... could there be personal issues with the boss etc.

I'd always recommend a sit down over a cuppa and a chat, starting off with something along the lines of "how are you, are you managing ok, is there anything we can do to help you along etc?"

19 Aug 2010 by jlawrence

I think we've all done daft things from time to time. can't say I've put the covers on the wrong track though.
Today I did cut a new track out and I have to say I've no real idea why. I don't actually need that track until 11th sept - tad early to start on it yet.

Of course there's no bounce, bend your back and put some bloody effort in.

19 Aug 2010 by Chris Thornton

They did it again on Tuesday night after practice, except they got the covers nearly on the strip with the wheels 9 inch onto the mown area, the prevailing wind side of course, with a couple of pipes thrown over the covers.
To be honest I have given up expecting owt different so am resigned to expect the worst. You can't educate pork!!!!

"He not busy being born is busy dying"

19 Aug 2010 by Grassman2011

To much time on your hands JL.

23 Aug 2010 by dickie c

Hi,

Having followed this thread thought i'd pass on something i spotted on saturday. Whilst feilding at short fine leg (our captain obviously doesn't recognise my excellent fielding skills to utilise me elsewhere (other than deep fine leg!!))having finished my 12 overs of fast awayswing - sort of - i spotted one of our fielders doing a little dance in between deliveries - we'd just about wrapped up our league title with 2 games to go so he was obviously happy. I spotted him later on doing the same thing but this time he added a litle pirouette on his heel. All looked very nice only this time, rather than being in the outfield on the rugby pitches he was on a length on the pitch for sunday - f***ing marvellous!!!! (was a good dance though)

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