Dick Timmons - Claudia Shiffer won't return his calls ... and Laurence Gale won't stop phoning!
Who are you? Dick Timmons, Chairman and Volunteer Groundsman at Warley RFC.
Family Status? Married to wife Sharon. I have two grown up boys Dean, 30 and Kiel, 22.
Who's your hero and why? My wife, Sharon. She is so incredibly organised, and not only with our domestic life. She is so good she has joined the ranks and now does the VAT returns, the PAYE, invoicing, credit control and accounts at Warley. She will often say to me "Dickie, you have worked hard today, go and have some real smelly ales". She deserves a medal and I pinch myself daily.
What's your dream holiday? Well, a change is as good as a rest, so I would never turn my nose up at anything labelled 'holiday'. I love walking in Snowdonia with Sharon. We are fortunate to have a caravan in North Wales and I like lazing around Lanzarote. For real satisfaction we are both fond of City Breaks. The best, so far, would be Rome, for its history and beauty. Then New York, simply for its buzz, it is right, it never sleeps. But, wherever it is, it has to be with Sharon, my best pal.
What annoys you the most? Arrogance, in any walk of life. Whether it is hiding a weakness or showing off a talent it does not sit well with me.
What would you change about yourself? In light of the last question, I hope this does not sound arrogant, but nothing. I'm bald, fat and getting old. All of that process has contributed something to me that others recognise. It's a bit late to start being something you are not.
Who wouldn't you like to be? A teetotal, when they wake up in the morning, that is the best they are going to feel all day.
Favourite record and why? I have a wide taste in music, from my youth Pink Floyd and Thin Lizzy. Now I am quite content listening to Classic FM. At the moment, anything sung by Kate Rusby (Folk Singer). She is known as the Barnsley Angel. If you get the chance to listen to her you will know why.
Who would you chose to spend a romantic evening with? Claudia Schiffer. However, she is not returning my calls of late! Well, in fact, she never has. The police seem to be showing an interest though, so maybe I am getting noticed.
If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do? Ring Claudia Schiffer.
If you were to describe yourself as a musical instrument, what would you be and why? A Tuba, its ugly, awkward to hold and, whilst trying to be musical, emits a strange sound.
What's the best advice you have ever been given? We criticise in others what we like least in ourselves. If I can just remember that advice before opening my mouth, life is easier. I don't always remember.
What's your favourite smell? Depends where you are and what you are doing. The more printable would be a brewery, freshly cut grass or a hot Sunday Roast.
What do you do in your spare time? Field phone calls from Laurence Gale, asking me why I have not sent in my article yet. "Laurence, it's because I don't have any spare time!"
What's the daftest work related question you have ever been asked? Even as a willing volunteer I have been asked quite a few that I considered completely daft. However, I think reprinting them here may just come across as arrogant.
What's your favourite piece of kit? So far, the Quadraplay, or is it the ……..?
What three words would you use to describe yourself? Old, fat and bald.
What talent would you like to have? Yes, I would like some please.
What makes you angry? Right now, it is the most important piece of kit that any sportsman must have to be able to function at all. The soft drink bottle. It appears that the most important part of this drink is the top two inches; the rest may be disposed of in situ or thrown against the nearest bin. Oh, and that biodegradable tape that keeps socks up, maybe it does the grass some good because the players invest in so much of it on the sports surface. Okay, put me out of my misery. Is it really biodegradable, coz I seem to have to pick most of it up?
What law/legislation would you like to see introduced? Something which prevented Pitchcare editors convincing you to spend some of your precious time putting together an article for a feature in a Turf Practitioners Magazine which, when done, all my mates will say is for anoraks and laugh at me.
P.S. Please don't take my last comment too seriously. I think it is a very laudable thing to try and highlight the many volunteers in grassroots sport, without which, most of our clubs would grind to a sorry halt.