Tim Parker - dog owners, scratching batsmen and renaging 'team' members be very afraid!
Who are you? Tim Parker, Head, Groundsman at Royal Hospital School, and Club Captain and Groundsman at Woolpit CC. ECB County Pitch Adviser for Suffolk.
Family status? Married for over 20 years to the lovely Kathy, daughter Alice 22, son William 20.
Who's your hero and why? Ian Botham. Natural talent, irreverent, but box office when he came off, in all aspects of the game.
What is your dream holiday? An MCC Tour of India.
What annoys you the most? Dog owners who don't clear up their animals poo in amenity areas.
What would you change about yourself? Stop eating so much to regain the figure I had in my twenties!
Who wouldn't you like to be? Mike Gatting, the second before Malcolm Marshall rearranged his nose!
Favourite record, and why? Stones 'Brown Sugar'. It was the iconic song during my 'pomp' around Guildford in the early 70s - beer, girls and fun!
Who would you choose to spend a romantic evening with? Naturally, my wife.
If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do? Retire, travel, MCC tour every winter and keep preparing pitches for Woolpit whilst playing lots of golf and setting up my children's future.
If you were to describe yourself as a musical instrument, what would you be and why? Drums - a constant in the background to depend on.
What's the best advice you have ever been given? Believe in your natural sporting aptitude, I was a nervous young man.
What's your favourite smell? Fresh mown grass - of course!
What do you do in your spare time? I don't have much as, in the summer, I rush from the huge task of maintaining the school to my village ground to prepare and tend cricket pitches right through the season and, at weekends, I play. My wife is the ultimate cricket widow, so she scores and helps with teas or she would never see any of us, as my son, when back from Loughborough, opens the bowling for the 1st XI and my daughter skippers the ladies when she can get off work! In the autumn, I help loads of clubs putting their squares to bed and delivering the county trailer.
What's the daftest work related question you have ever been asked? One of the school teachers asked me at the end of term if I was looking forward to having the rest of the summer off!
What's your favourite piece of kit? Dennis 510 wicket mower - so easy to use and adjust.
What three words would you use to describe yourself? Big, dependable, greedy!
What talent would you like to have? I would love to be able to read music and play an instrument.
What makes you angry? Pathetic excuses to not play for the team at weekends, when I think of the commitment and sacrifice people like myself are making to prepare surfaces for sport all over the country - and it's getting worse!
What law/legislation would you like to see introduced? Penalties for cricketers who vandalise the pitch with their studs after taking guard and before each ball thereafter! Trott you have a lot to answer for!